Thursday, October 28, 2010

Candy? Oh, Brother!

I rail against candy regularly. It has food coloring! Nothing but sugar! Probably has trans fat in it and HFCS-a deadly combination! And, yes, I have threatened to box the Easter Bunny's ears if he brings anymore neon-colored confections to our house at Easter. That rabbit would not know what hit him, my friend, but it would be the angst of a Mama who has to hear incessant whining and begging for the nutritionally-defunct addictive treats.

If the kids know it's in the house, they will ask for it at least forty times a day in a systematic attempt to wear me down. And sometimes they do. At which point I throw my hands in the air and exclaim, "Fine!-eat it, you little boober schmoobers. But remember, your body is weeping and your teeth may or may not rot out of your head. You're rolling the dice here, kids! Oh, and that pretty red food coloring? It'll make you go potty five times in the next hour-you'll be living in that bathroom-Haha!"

Okay, so I'm not sure about the red food coloring. But, anyway, my warnings have yet to turn aside their insatiable desire for the stuff, because children are basically candy zombies.

I've tried having interventions where I educate the bedevil out of them on the evils of candy (Here's a picture of healthy nice teeth. Here's a picture of cavities-caused by candy!). It ends up sounding like bootcamp with me shouting, "What does your body get from candy?"

"Nothing, Sir!"

"What does it do to your teeth?"

"Rot them, Sir!"

"What are all those pretty candy colors made from?"

"Chemicals, Sir!"

"Are we going to ask for more candy?"

Shifty eyes, shuffling feet and then, "Well...just one more piece. And then that's it! We promise! Pleeeaassse?"


Happy Halloween!

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