Free Write (It's all I'm feelin.)

I'm in the post-Christmas slump, but I must jump back in here. A writer writes, and I don't want to cease to be a writer...completely.

For Christmas we went to Albuquerque. I didn't want to go, and I raised a big stink about it on the last day, because I just wanted to relax and not pack or clean on that Sunday. I should have kept my mouth shut. Oh, how I wish I could learn that lesson for good! - just to do what needs to be done and not to complain. If I could give up complaining this year, I might just approach sainthood. I might. All I accomplish is to drag others, especially my lovely man, down with me; that should never be a goal.

And that trip was good, very good. The kids had snowball fights with each other, with Papa, with Grandpa, with their uncle. Phoenix, Arizona kids do not ever have snowball fights unless they leave the sunny dust bowl of this valley. And we got to see relatives we have not seen in far too long, the family of Matthew's oldest brother, and that was a joy! To hold their baby was great. She did not cry in my arms, a great blessing.

So the fuss and effort was very worth it. I must not complain. One should always visit family if one can.

I had a great New Year's Eve with my man. I won't give the details except to say that my husband bought sparkling wine that wasn't the cheap stuff, and we watched Bachelor Mother with Ginger Rogers and David Niven. I do love my sparkling wine and old movies, but the best part was my husband.

And we threw a Three Kings Day (Jan. 5th) dessert party for the very first time this year. I have always, always wanted to do that. I baked for three days straight: cardamom bread, apricot sweet yeast bread, a Bouche de Noel, Cheddar-apple Vanoucka. I laid dry figs, dates, and apricots on the table and served pita bread and hummus. It was as middle east as I know how to be, but everyone appreciated the effort which made me glad I had done it. I even played carols on my guitar, accompanying a friend who is a far better singer than I am. And we played charades, and not one single person guessed the meaning of my gestures. I stunk, and I went first. I'm far better at Candy Land.

We invited our Mom's Group. This very precious group of people, we've been together since our kids were toddlers and babies. Now some of those "little ones" are in 5th, 6th grade. I love all these families, because they are our family; our kids are like cousins.

(We do not have relatives surrounding us here in Arizona. When we first moved here, like so many others who transplant themselves, we had no one for quite some time. When we did have Matthew's grandmother here, we did not visit her as often as we should have done in the years before she passed away. It is a very big regret of mine. Young people can be so foolish and near-sighted. Please, this year take the time to visit your elderly relatives. Do it out of love and respect.)

Because of all these wonderful, amazing folks in our Mom's Group, I don't ever want to leave here....unless they all leave first. But, of course, if we needed to go to some new city in some different state where we have no one and have never been before, I would do it - especially for my husband. But I would badly miss our friends here, just as I badly miss those who have moved away and left our group bereft of their conversation, company and beautiful natures.

Well, to conclude a rambling free write, I suppose I must share some resolution for this New Year. It's hard; everyone seems to have their cap on straighter than I do, and their tools more firmly in hand. Nevertheless, my resolutions are simple: to grow, to improve, to become a better mother and wife. Mostly, it can be summed up thus:

I will pray this year that God will help me to discern His will for me, and for our family, and beg that He will give me the courage to follow it.

P.S. I'm sorry this is unedited and sloppy, but you know that's what a free write is...right?