Thursday, October 8, 2015

Community

A couple weeks ago at my optometrist's office, I made a confession when they asked how I was doing.

"My littlest one started kindergarten, and that was so hard. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm still adjusting."

Making that confession felt good. It feels good - mostly - every time I make it. Yes, I am a mama whose life has been almost entirely wrapped up in her kids' health, behavior, nutrition, entertainment, sleep, and happiness for several years now, so indeed, it did hit me like a ton of bricks when my last one left me to get a formal education.

The ladies behind the desk didn't have much to say to that, though one agreed that her youngest starting school this year impacted her in much the same way. They listened and nodded, and for me it was once more a release of feelings that have been burdening me.

Now granted, I confess my feelings too often. I don't just wear them on my sleeve; I have them emblazoned across my forehead, tattooed on my lids, threaded around my hair and dangling from my ears. I cannot keep my emotions couped up; I must free them - preferably in the company of others. This isn't always the best way, but nobody could say I'm not honest. In fact, that's what one friend told me when I made a different "confession" of feelings and insecurities to a group of ladies I respect. I asked them if they thought I was being crazy, and she replied, "No, I think you're being honest."

All this talk about feelings, my dear readers, was simply to say that we need each other, community. I need community, heaven help me. In the past few weeks, I have called my dad and my two sisters on the phone and sought out my friends for guidance and comfort in this new and uncertain phase of my life. And sure, it would not be the best idea for me to blab my real heavy concerns to near strangers at my eye doctor's, but it would not a bad idea, either, if I feel supported and respected even if, at the same exact time, I am vulnerable.

It's like that great soul song, "Lean On Me", says: "we all need somebody to lean on" at one time or another. God gave us each other, for He is Himself a community of persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. 

How often have we heard repeatedly the dreadful news that arose from the actions of individuals who felt profoundly alone, society's "loners"? 

Our families are ideally the mirror of God's love for us, the epicenter of a hopefully ever widening opportunity for and experience of it.

I have often heard church compared to just a social club, but for me there could be no better community than one with God at its center, one where the members learn from each other. Yes, we, imperfect as we are, know we'll still fail each other along the way with our rash judgments or selfish indifference, but we also know that we will succeed often, too, by welcoming and encouraging one other, bolstering each other in the storms, rejoicing with each other in the victories, and continually being Christ for each other.

The other day at a church volunteer gathering a young mother spoke to me of her struggles with her very temperamental toddler and his habit of getting up six to ten times a night. The best and most hopeful thing I could give to her was to assure her that I have been through that as well; my own children didn't sleep through the night until they were toddlers or preschoolers. I often felt lonely and floundering, too, in my vocation as a mother. I shared how my moms' group, started through our parish, saved me from that isolation.

Isn't that the gift we have to offer in community - the assurance that "You are not alone" and "I am with you"?

With the solid foundation of compassion, mercy, hope, selflessness, courage, and at the very base, love, we build authentic communities. We don't just build them with our family, our colleagues, fellow parents, fellow believers, or those with whom we share a common interest. We build them by including those who are lonely, afraid, marginalized, smiling regularly at someone who looks as if they feel alone, giving our time to one another.

We are not islands. Beginning with family we are the essential building blocks of life and love for each other.




10 comments:

  1. Your thoughts are insightful, Hillary. Your post reminds me of a book we studied in small group last year titled, The Gospel Centered Community. The author writes about the fact that we were created for community. The sharing of our lives, through faith, is how we grow and learn and serve.

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    1. Yes! We grow and learn and serve. Perfect summary.

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  2. No, we are not islands. I would often like to be, but find that I cannot pull it off.

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    1. I know that about you, Papa, but I have also observed the communities that have sprung up around you. Now you have this whole community of people who love your Kelven's Riddle books. And it just struck me - Aram is like you, trying to avoid community, but what happens when he finds other creatures, when they become drawn to him as he does to them? Community! And that community accomplished awesome things together for the good of all.

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  3. This speaks to my heart. Life can be lonely, and the best gift I could have received was a core group of friends and fellow mothers when I became a mom. I have such a soft spot in my heart for the women who grew with me during this time of my life. God built us to need community; it is up to us to be joyful in it.

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    1. I hear you, Andrea! When I was a new, young mother, I prayed for friends. Yes, prayed! I was desperately lonely. And God provided friends; he provided them through church, actually. I still have those friends. I love those friends very much indeed, like family. That is a great joy in my life and in my family's experience of community.

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  4. This speaks so beautiful to the body of Christ in all it's nourishment and support with fellow believers. I love that, Hillary. When you find the right fit, full of grace and mercy and unconditional love... it's a remarkable thing.

    "I have often heard church compared to just a social club, but for me there could be no better community than one with God at its center, one where the members learn from each other." <---- YES. :)

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    1. You all amaze me with your beautiful, wise comments. Thank you for that!

      The right fit is truly something else, and God can help us find it better than we ever could alone. Truly, Jesus, as part of any community, makes the experience a thousand times more fulfilling and more resilient in adversity - even when that adversity comes from within. Church is a wonderful community, especially if we are being like Jesus to each other and welcoming the strangers to us.

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  5. Yes. So much yes. Find your tribe.

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